I want!

I am sick, SICK of living like this and I want to change.

I want to change EVERYTHING at once.

That seems impossible. Probably it IS impossible.

I want to start taking better care of myself. That means being clean, eating good meals regularly, exercising, and taking care of my appearance (facial waxing, feet and nails occasionally, maybe a haircut).

I want to start making money - with a job, the astrology biz, writing, whatever.

I want to be writing more often.

I want to be playing the piano and singing regularly too.

I want to be finding things to do that are more exciting than World of Warcraft. But not neglecting WoW entirely.

I want to be taking part more in the KT and the Biggification program.

I want to be actually hanging out with people who are not my parents on a regular basis. Actual, in-person friends would be awesome. (Totally linked to the self-care stuff, as I feel I am not allowed to hang out with people unless I am clean.)

I want to be out of debt. (Linked to money stuff. Duh.)

I want to figure out what to do with the OU course. I don't want to give it up because, well, I want to have succeeded at it, but I don't want to actually do the work because it is SO boring. Like, seriously. I'd rather start again with a new course in a more challenging or at least new-to-me subject.

I want to find something to do that Engages My Brain. I'm BORED.

I want to figure out ways to have more energy. Because it's hard not to be bored if you have no energy to do anything cool.

I want connection. With people. And love, laughter, and enjoyment. The kind of happy vibes I got on retreat or that I get at Camp Sparkle or that I have had at times hanging out with friends in London or Newcastle. I want MY people around me, dammit. I get the same vibes hanging out with "my people" on WoW, too, another reason I don't want to give it up.

I want to work through some of the stuff that is stressing me out and probably sucking my energy away.

I want to find space to be the awesome person I know I could be if things were only a bit different. She gets buried sometimes. I want to stop blaming the outside world for making me rubbish. I want to stop blaming myself, too. At the same time, I'm angry that I'm rubbish, and I want someone to blame, dammit.

I want more people to read this blog. I want a little group of people who read and comment, cheer me on, or engage with the ideas on the blog. I want there to be some actual ideas on the blog for people to engage with.

I want to do Shiva Nata every day.

I want space to do yoga if I want to.

I want to be a better person.

I have lots of ideas, and not the faintest idea where to start.

Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep.

The end.

I want!

I am sick, SICK of living like this and I want to change.

I want to change EVERYTHING at once.

That seems impossible. Probably it IS impossible.

I want to start taking better care of myself. That means being clean, eating good meals regularly, exercising, and taking care of my appearance (facial waxing, feet and nails occasionally, maybe a haircut).

I want to start making money - with a job, the astrology biz, writing, whatever.

I want to be writing more often.

I want to be playing the piano and singing regularly too.

I want to be finding things to do that are more exciting than World of Warcraft. But not neglecting WoW entirely.

I want to be taking part more in the KT and the Biggification program.

I want to be actually hanging out with people who are not my parents on a regular basis. Actual, in-person friends would be awesome. (Totally linked to the self-care stuff, as I feel I am not allowed to hang out with people unless I am clean.)

I want to be out of debt. (Linked to money stuff. Duh.)

I want to figure out what to do with the OU course. I don't want to give it up because, well, I want to have succeeded at it, but I don't want to actually do the work because it is SO boring. Like, seriously. I'd rather start again with a new course in a more challenging or at least new-to-me subject.

I want to find something to do that Engages My Brain. I'm BORED.

I want to figure out ways to have more energy. Because it's hard not to be bored if you have no energy to do anything cool.

I want connection. With people. And love, laughter, and enjoyment. The kind of happy vibes I got on retreat or that I get at Camp Sparkle or that I have had at times hanging out with friends in London or Newcastle. I want MY people around me, dammit. I get the same vibes hanging out with "my people" on WoW, too, another reason I don't want to give it up.

I want to work through some of the stuff that is stressing me out and probably sucking my energy away.

I want to find space to be the awesome person I know I could be if things were only a bit different. She gets buried sometimes. I want to stop blaming the outside world for making me rubbish. I want to stop blaming myself, too. At the same time, I'm angry that I'm rubbish, and I want someone to blame, dammit.

I want more people to read this blog. I want a little group of people who read and comment, cheer me on, or engage with the ideas on the blog. I want there to be some actual ideas on the blog for people to engage with.

I want to do Shiva Nata every day.

I want space to do yoga if I want to.

I want to be a better person.

I have lots of ideas, and not the faintest idea where to start.

Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep.

The end.

Taking action.

I have made a few small progresses on the "I want" stuff. Just a few, but they are good, I think!

Today I played the piano for twenty minutes. I'm trying to teach myself Für Elise. It's hard!

I also made a playlist for my at-some-point session of Shiva Nata, shavasana, and writing. I haven't tried it yet, but I'll report back when I do try it!

I also took a twenty-five minute walk. There was exercise! There was daylight! It was good! And now I have a route that takes about the right amount of time, and I shall repeat it.

I logged onto World of Warcraft. And did a thing I wanted to do. And then logged off again after less than half an hour. This was prety awesome (usually once I'm on, I'm on for hours).

Things I am planning to do later on today include:

• Make some basic preparations for the Great Packing Trip which starts tomorrow.
  
• Take a shower, if I can.
  
• Try out my Shiva Nata playlist.
  
• Write something on my current project.
  
• Take my afternoon nap.
  
• Attend tonight's raid (a WoW thing).

Who knows if I will do all of these things? Not me. But I'm going to give it a good try and see how I go.

Go me!

I think that over the last few days, I discovered what "activate the network" means.

Not that I don't kind of hate the phrase with a passion. Activate the network? Ew.

But I have discovered the following thing:

When I show up and ask for stuff, people show up in return. And offer what they can. And it is awesome.

On LJ, Dreamwidth, Twitter, Facebook the Kitchen Table, my blog, by email, on World of Warcraft.

I have friends and people who care about me. Some of you, I've never met.

What this post is basically saying is as follows:

I love you guys.

I think that over the last few days, I discovered what "activate the network" means.

Not that I don't kind of hate the phrase with a passion. Activate the network? Ew.

But I have discovered the following thing:

When I show up and ask for stuff, people show up in return. And offer what they can. And it is awesome.

On LJ, Dreamwidth, Twitter, Facebook the Kitchen Table, my blog, by email, on World of Warcraft.

I have friends and people who care about me. Some of you, I've never met.

What this post is basically saying is as follows:

I love you guys.