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randomlingI am sick, SICK of living like this and I want to change.
I want to change EVERYTHING at once.
That seems impossible. Probably it IS impossible.
I want to start taking better care of myself. That means being clean, eating good meals regularly, exercising, and taking care of my appearance (facial waxing, feet and nails occasionally, maybe a haircut).
I want to start making money - with a job, the astrology biz, writing, whatever.
I want to be writing more often.
I want to be playing the piano and singing regularly too.
I want to be finding things to do that are more exciting than World of Warcraft. But not neglecting WoW entirely.
I want to be taking part more in the KT and the Biggification program.
I want to be actually hanging out with people who are not my parents on a regular basis. Actual, in-person friends would be awesome. (Totally linked to the self-care stuff, as I feel I am not allowed to hang out with people unless I am clean.)
I want to be out of debt. (Linked to money stuff. Duh.)
I want to figure out what to do with the OU course. I don't want to give it up because, well, I want to have succeeded at it, but I don't want to actually do the work because it is SO boring. Like, seriously. I'd rather start again with a new course in a more challenging or at least new-to-me subject.
I want to find something to do that Engages My Brain. I'm BORED.
I want to figure out ways to have more energy. Because it's hard not to be bored if you have no energy to do anything cool.
I want connection. With people. And love, laughter, and enjoyment. The kind of happy vibes I got on retreat or that I get at Camp Sparkle or that I have had at times hanging out with friends in London or Newcastle. I want MY people around me, dammit. I get the same vibes hanging out with "my people" on WoW, too, another reason I don't want to give it up.
I want to work through some of the stuff that is stressing me out and probably sucking my energy away.
I want to find space to be the awesome person I know I could be if things were only a bit different. She gets buried sometimes. I want to stop blaming the outside world for making me rubbish. I want to stop blaming myself, too. At the same time, I'm angry that I'm rubbish, and I want someone to blame, dammit.
I want more people to read this blog. I want a little group of people who read and comment, cheer me on, or engage with the ideas on the blog. I want there to be some actual ideas on the blog for people to engage with.
I want to do Shiva Nata every day.
I want space to do yoga if I want to.
I want to be a better person.
I have lots of ideas, and not the faintest idea where to start.
Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep.
The end.
I want to change EVERYTHING at once.
That seems impossible. Probably it IS impossible.
I want to start taking better care of myself. That means being clean, eating good meals regularly, exercising, and taking care of my appearance (facial waxing, feet and nails occasionally, maybe a haircut).
I want to start making money - with a job, the astrology biz, writing, whatever.
I want to be writing more often.
I want to be playing the piano and singing regularly too.
I want to be finding things to do that are more exciting than World of Warcraft. But not neglecting WoW entirely.
I want to be taking part more in the KT and the Biggification program.
I want to be actually hanging out with people who are not my parents on a regular basis. Actual, in-person friends would be awesome. (Totally linked to the self-care stuff, as I feel I am not allowed to hang out with people unless I am clean.)
I want to be out of debt. (Linked to money stuff. Duh.)
I want to figure out what to do with the OU course. I don't want to give it up because, well, I want to have succeeded at it, but I don't want to actually do the work because it is SO boring. Like, seriously. I'd rather start again with a new course in a more challenging or at least new-to-me subject.
I want to find something to do that Engages My Brain. I'm BORED.
I want to figure out ways to have more energy. Because it's hard not to be bored if you have no energy to do anything cool.
I want connection. With people. And love, laughter, and enjoyment. The kind of happy vibes I got on retreat or that I get at Camp Sparkle or that I have had at times hanging out with friends in London or Newcastle. I want MY people around me, dammit. I get the same vibes hanging out with "my people" on WoW, too, another reason I don't want to give it up.
I want to work through some of the stuff that is stressing me out and probably sucking my energy away.
I want to find space to be the awesome person I know I could be if things were only a bit different. She gets buried sometimes. I want to stop blaming the outside world for making me rubbish. I want to stop blaming myself, too. At the same time, I'm angry that I'm rubbish, and I want someone to blame, dammit.
I want more people to read this blog. I want a little group of people who read and comment, cheer me on, or engage with the ideas on the blog. I want there to be some actual ideas on the blog for people to engage with.
I want to do Shiva Nata every day.
I want space to do yoga if I want to.
I want to be a better person.
I have lots of ideas, and not the faintest idea where to start.
Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep.
The end.
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no subject
Date: 2010-04-12 07:16 am (UTC)I'm rooting for you, bb ♥
no subject
Date: 2010-04-12 01:19 pm (UTC)Are you talking with someone that can help you? Nothing wrong with that...even a life counselor who will help you get your finances in order would be good (a cousin of mine did that and it made a world of difference).
Keep writing down your ideas...that way maybe you can sleep. Write them down, record them...what ever works best for you.
Your talented and smart, you can do this!
no subject
Date: 2010-04-12 05:52 pm (UTC)I want space to do yoga if I want to.
...
Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep."
try doing yoga/shiva nata in your head when your brain is insisting on not being quiet enough to sleep...
work has been slamming me for the last few months, to the point where i had started circular panic thinking when i lay down to try and sleep.
i ended up practising tai chi in my head which helped me a lot. there was enough too keep my brain occupied & not thinking about the stuff that was worrying me but repetitive enough that eventually i fell asleep... (& was quite good for helping me remember tai chi sequences:)