I want!

[randomling]

I am sick, SICK of living like this and I want to change.

I want to change EVERYTHING at once.

That seems impossible. Probably it IS impossible.

I want to start taking better care of myself. That means being clean, eating good meals regularly, exercising, and taking care of my appearance (facial waxing, feet and nails occasionally, maybe a haircut).

I want to start making money - with a job, the astrology biz, writing, whatever.

I want to be writing more often.

I want to be playing the piano and singing regularly too.

I want to be finding things to do that are more exciting than World of Warcraft. But not neglecting WoW entirely.

I want to be taking part more in the KT and the Biggification program.

I want to be actually hanging out with people who are not my parents on a regular basis. Actual, in-person friends would be awesome. (Totally linked to the self-care stuff, as I feel I am not allowed to hang out with people unless I am clean.)

I want to be out of debt. (Linked to money stuff. Duh.)

I want to figure out what to do with the OU course. I don't want to give it up because, well, I want to have succeeded at it, but I don't want to actually do the work because it is SO boring. Like, seriously. I'd rather start again with a new course in a more challenging or at least new-to-me subject.

I want to find something to do that Engages My Brain. I'm BORED.

I want to figure out ways to have more energy. Because it's hard not to be bored if you have no energy to do anything cool.

I want connection. With people. And love, laughter, and enjoyment. The kind of happy vibes I got on retreat or that I get at Camp Sparkle or that I have had at times hanging out with friends in London or Newcastle. I want MY people around me, dammit. I get the same vibes hanging out with "my people" on WoW, too, another reason I don't want to give it up.

I want to work through some of the stuff that is stressing me out and probably sucking my energy away.

I want to find space to be the awesome person I know I could be if things were only a bit different. She gets buried sometimes. I want to stop blaming the outside world for making me rubbish. I want to stop blaming myself, too. At the same time, I'm angry that I'm rubbish, and I want someone to blame, dammit.

I want more people to read this blog. I want a little group of people who read and comment, cheer me on, or engage with the ideas on the blog. I want there to be some actual ideas on the blog for people to engage with.

I want to do Shiva Nata every day.

I want space to do yoga if I want to.

I want to be a better person.

I have lots of ideas, and not the faintest idea where to start.

Also, I want my brain to please be quiet at night so I can get some sleep.

The end.