randomling: Five, Tegan and Turlough (Doctor Who). (five tegan turlough)
I think I should journal more, and I'd like to do some of the self-therapy stuff in terms of journalling and processing and headspace stuff.

Be warned: there is likely to be a fair amount of crazy, twisted thinking going on, because of how my brain rolls. And I'm going to ask anyone on the headspace filter to agree to not give advice or try to correct my thinking or anything like that on headspace posts. The main point of the kind of processing I do is that I'm trying to get somewhere myself, and dealing with other people's thoughts and opinions will just drag me off-track and take up brain that I'm not sure I can spare.

So with that in mind, here is a poll:

Poll #14429 Headspace poll
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 19

Would you like to be on my headspace filter?

Yes, please!
16 (84.2%)

No, but I couldn't resist filling out a poll.
3 (15.8%)

♥, all.
randomling: Chris Kirkpatrick of *nsync raises an eyebrow. (eyebrow)
It's funny. I had a wonderful talk with my mum over dinner tonight, and got home feeling really positive and hopeful about things for the first time in ages, and now I'm heading back into a slump again.

Writing about these things seems to help. )
randomling: A wombat. (Default)
Because it's Saturday, I baked bread today. That would be a routine that I'm developing. I'm quite pleased with that.

It was also better than last week. I'm still learning, though - there are lots of improvements to be made before I can honestly say, "I bake awesome bread." And I'm actually seeing it as "I can make improvements" rather than "I suck at baking bread" so that's a shift in attitude that I'm also pleased with.

I did a huge clear-out of my hard drive today and deleted or moved almost 75 gig of stuff. This is very pleasing.

I'm also downloading loads more TV (so: the whole "hard drive" space thing is temporary, hee). However, I still have loads of space on my hard drive.

I'm totally tempted to spend ages sorting through the material on "External HD The First". (These things, they need names, stat.) But what would be much more productive is sorting out the data on my old-and-cranky PC. Then, I would have actual access to the thing, which would be 100% amazing.

But I don't want to do it, because the PC is old and cranky and very very slow. Plus, I should probably be using this time to get prepped for America if I possibly can.

So much to do, so little time and spoons! Sigh.

But my brain seems considerably less mushy today. So I'm calling that a win for medication. And maybe I'll have more spoons tomorrow in a progression towards medicated normality.
randomling: Chris Kirkpatrick of *nsync raises an eyebrow. (eyebrow)
I have a new volunteering role. I'm going to be doing admin for an education provider called CTC Training, 4 mornings a week. This is going to be really helpful in getting me into a routine, reminding me what it's like to go to a workplace, and stuff. I start on November 15th!

My brain is mush. And I am still cranky, numb and very tired. Stupid lack of anti-depressants. On the plus side, I have the pills back now, and I have a system in place to make sure I don't run out in the future. So that's positive.

I've finished watching the existing Warehouse 13 and now I'm onto Eureka. LOVE it so far.

I'm going to America on Tuesday. It's probably going to clean me out financially, but it will hopefully be worth it in terms of my mental health and working-on-my-stuff progress. Last trip for a while, at least until things turn themselves around and I get back on my feet, life-wise. But, I'm slightly freaking out about this trip even though I know it's going to be good for me.

I'm trying to show up in more places, more often these days, though that mostly means online at the moment. Once I've figured out how much volunteering time I can manage, I might start getting a little more serious about finding in-person socializing to do more than once a week. I miss having a social life!

And on a related note, I'm wanting to resurrect my Lucy Viret blog, but as is often the case when I've been quiet for a bit, I'm feeling a bit paralyzed about how to start again. (Yes, the way to break the paralysis is to just start. But on the other hand - that apparently isn't the only component needed to break the paralysis. Compassion for myself is, as always, the key, I guess.)

It's funny how I feel unbelievably self-centered whenever I start talking about compassion for myself in this place. There's clearly a Mean Little Voice that thinks I should put everyone else first. But that's part of what got me into this place of deep depression in the first place (cranky brain chemicals was another part!) so I'm not sure how useful that voice is.

That's all for now!

September 2017



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