help

[randomling]

Sometimes I think I'm doing so well. Then I crash and crash hard. I think it's emotions I have that I don't want to feel, that's the problem. Emotions that I'm scared of like anger. And worse, I'm scared of examining the anger because I'm pretty sure that the reasons for the anger will make me a terrible person. In fact I've already decided that before I start, really.

There's ways to look at this. But it's weird, I'm finding it so hard to do that right now. I have another blog where I process stuff, so maybe I should write a post over there, or write something in my book of monsters when I get home tonight (today I'm not carrying it with me for some stupid reason).

I hate being so up and down. I hate feeling like there's nowhere I can turn when I feel like this, especially when it's not really true. But who could I really call when I feel like this? I can't think of anyone that I want to see me cry. I usually end up phoning my parents. Makes me feel non-functional and like a child.

Sigh.

Comments

[patupaiarehe]

Dude, I´m sorry youre going through this shit right now. Just remember, even if your anger makes you feel like a shitty person, it´s still there, so you may as well express it here or in some other safe space. Better out than in and all that.

And parents are totally good people to talk to about this! They´re the people who´ve known you since forever and have that whole unconditional love thing, right?

*hugs* wish I could do more.

[randomling]

Thank you. [hug] You know, you have a point there; at least my journals are lockable, so if I want to rant only to a small section of the population, I can do.

My parents are good - but you know how there are always buttons to be pushed with parents? Yeah, there are definite buttons in my family.