help

[randomling]

Sometimes I think I'm doing so well. Then I crash and crash hard. I think it's emotions I have that I don't want to feel, that's the problem. Emotions that I'm scared of like anger. And worse, I'm scared of examining the anger because I'm pretty sure that the reasons for the anger will make me a terrible person. In fact I've already decided that before I start, really.

There's ways to look at this. But it's weird, I'm finding it so hard to do that right now. I have another blog where I process stuff, so maybe I should write a post over there, or write something in my book of monsters when I get home tonight (today I'm not carrying it with me for some stupid reason).

I hate being so up and down. I hate feeling like there's nowhere I can turn when I feel like this, especially when it's not really true. But who could I really call when I feel like this? I can't think of anyone that I want to see me cry. I usually end up phoning my parents. Makes me feel non-functional and like a child.

Sigh.