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feel like hell today
Jun. 24th, 2009 11:31 amI really do feel awful. I've felt pretty awful all week and it only seems to be getting worse. It's not (primarily) a physical awfulness but a mental and emotional one.
Havi says... well. The technique of Havi's I'm clinging to right now is the one that tells you to be a detective and look for clues. It's hard. But I'm going to try making a list of the "clues" that might tell me what's wrong, because right now I have no freaking idea.
Clues
-I feel twitchy and angry at any and all mention of romance, relationships, love. Can't deal with it. Wish to protect myself from it, avoid it at all costs.
-Feel very keen to avoid all social contact, particularly telephone and face-to-face. Being at work, where telephone contact with customers is unavoidable (that's the main feature of my job) and new starters need help and training constantly, is very uncomfortable today.
-Have not had a shower in some time, which makes contact with other people in person feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassing for me (and not pleasant for them, either, I'm sure, which is the source of my discomfort and embarrassment). I feel very icky and unpleasant and this adds to my need to avoid social contact in general.
-Hayfever which is annoying me.
-Mild upset stomach, also annoying me.
-Headache, quite mild but won't go away.
-General feeling of grumpiness and malaise.
-Serious and persistent fantasies of going home "sick" from work so that I can spend the day ALONE, no contact with anyone until I decide. But fearing/anticipating work tomorrow would mean I would find it very hard to relax.
-Very tired, despite two nights of good sleep.
Not sure where all these clues point, but there they are. Will keep my eyes peeled for more clues throughout the day.
Havi says... well. The technique of Havi's I'm clinging to right now is the one that tells you to be a detective and look for clues. It's hard. But I'm going to try making a list of the "clues" that might tell me what's wrong, because right now I have no freaking idea.
Clues
-I feel twitchy and angry at any and all mention of romance, relationships, love. Can't deal with it. Wish to protect myself from it, avoid it at all costs.
-Feel very keen to avoid all social contact, particularly telephone and face-to-face. Being at work, where telephone contact with customers is unavoidable (that's the main feature of my job) and new starters need help and training constantly, is very uncomfortable today.
-Have not had a shower in some time, which makes contact with other people in person feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassing for me (and not pleasant for them, either, I'm sure, which is the source of my discomfort and embarrassment). I feel very icky and unpleasant and this adds to my need to avoid social contact in general.
-Hayfever which is annoying me.
-Mild upset stomach, also annoying me.
-Headache, quite mild but won't go away.
-General feeling of grumpiness and malaise.
-Serious and persistent fantasies of going home "sick" from work so that I can spend the day ALONE, no contact with anyone until I decide. But fearing/anticipating work tomorrow would mean I would find it very hard to relax.
-Very tired, despite two nights of good sleep.
Not sure where all these clues point, but there they are. Will keep my eyes peeled for more clues throughout the day.
