Today on "headspace news".

[randomling]

So I'm thinking about therapy. I haven't told that many people about it yet (specifically, I haven't told my parents, because there are Issues with me and my mother and therapy and... argh. I may tell her once I've been doing it for a while). My doctor's appointment had to be rescheduled, but I'm going to ask my doctor for recommendations, see if there are any therapists she knows and can recommend. I have got to the point where I recognize that I need help, and I'm ready to go looking for it.

I'm also going to talk to my doctor about the possibility that I may have Asperger's Syndrome. It's a very scary idea, but if it's true, it may explain an awful lot about the way I am, and may also give me access to some more coping strategies. Coping strategies are always good. I'm going to spend the rest of my life coping with stuff, so it's good to have ways to do that.

(That feels so fucking hard. But I have to suck it up and live with it. Diabetes, depression, PCOS, the various fuck-ups in my head, plus possibly Asperger's Syndrome? That seems like a lot for one person to cope with right now.)

I'm also thinking seriously about the not-showering thing. It's really really hard sometimes. And I've found that I can't force myself to do it, not long-term: I only end up falling off the wagon and feeling even worse than before. I need help. I need someone to hold my hand and not judge me and listen to all the crap that surrounds it and help me figure out what the hell's going on. But it's so much to ask of anyone. I wouldn't know where to start with a request like that. It's so scary. So I don't think I'm going to end up requesting that help. But it feels so much like I am essentially a non-functional person, that I am incapable of doing some of the things that everyone else does as a matter of course. It's very distressing sometimes. I don't have the first idea how to cope with it.

This was going to be Access/Friends only, but fuck it, it's going to be public.

Comments

[invisionary]

I can't say whether or not any specific issue can be aided by any specific client or therapist, but I don't see where trying here can hurt. The worst is you've found a therapist that can't help you.

I'm also having a hard time saying anyone would have a harder time than anyone else finding a therapist they can work with. I've certainly gone through enough of them with some spectacularly bad advice (such as based on a first meeting being told to get a job and a mother's support group), or all the things about poly and kink and feeling like I was going to a confession instead of a therapy session. Then there was the psuedo-therapeutic men's group... which I refer to as the penis cult. I suspect the person that finds someone awesome the very first time is pretty rare (I got lucky on my second try and only left that relationship because I moved across New York state).

[randomling]

I didn't mean to imply that it would be harder for me than for anyone else to find a therapist that would work for me - only that it sounds like it's going to be tough and that it seems big and scary to me right now. :)

And I guess you're right, though I have discussed the not-showering thing with a number of different professionals (doctors/therapists etc) before now and have so far not managed to find a solution to the problem.