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randomlingA long, long list.
But that's okay. I can take it in bite-sized chunks.
Sorry for the entry-spam today.
I'd like to separate my Writing list out into Original Writing and Fandom. Then I can add stuff like signing up for challenges and sorting out dear-author letters to my Fandom list without asking myself, "why does this go on the Writing list?" every time. Plus, fandom is a key and important part of my life.
Sorting out sleep patterns is going onto the Health list, and I really feel like the eating and exercise stuff should come off hold, if only to make baby steps. Maybe I can do like, five minutes of stretching a day or something. And I'd really like to sort out breakfast. And these are baby steps on worthwhile goals.
I'd like to figure out how to devote specific time to specific things, and how to get less epically distracted all the damn time. That's probably a long-term project. Figuring out how to better process/manage tabs would probably be useful, too. (Pocket is helping a bit. Bookmarks are weird 'cause I have a million of them and I rarely look at them, though I do now have a folder of "fun tabs" that means in theory I can close DW, Tumblr, etc, and reopen them at the click of a button. I wonder if I should separate these out into like, fun social media, "serious" social media, games, etc, though.)
I am torn on a lot of things.
Like, I feel I should allocate a certain amount of time to various things, but I get really anxious about overscheduling.
And I hate regimented getting-up and going-to-bed times, but I also hate losing an entire morning because I slept from 3am to 1pm.
And... oh, lots of general stuff. It's all on the same lines, I think, of hating feeling too scheduled and pushed into a routine, but also hating when I have no routine. And feeling exhausted at the idea of setting this for myself, but also feeling resentful of anyone trying to set a routine for me. It's really irritating, and I'm not sure what the solution is. I keep feeling like I use the idea of being kind to myself as an excuse for not doing much of anything.
So I think one thing that might be useful is to pretend like I'm a grown-up. I have a list of things that need to get done. It's pretty long. And I don't think that pretending to be a grown-up means I never get a break, or to kick back and watch an episode of something, or etc etc. But it does mean that I try to start behaving like an adult.
So.
I'm going to try to go to bed, near as dammit, at 11pm. And to get up at 8am. We'll see, over time, if I need more sleep or if this is actually sufficient. I'm going to try and kick myself off the internet at 10pm, and see if there are things I can occupy with for the hour before bed that don't require shiny devices such as computers, iPads and TVs. (Reading? Tidying? Journalling? Other things?)
I've got a bit of a to-do list in my head, so let's have it:
*Put washing in dryer (at some later point, put it away in my room)
*Look up whether the library has wi-fi, also opening times and whether they let you take water
*Find therapist's email address and email him re: course on Tues
*Charge phone
* Look at masterlist and rejig based on current feelings
* Look at action points from phone & Jobcentre meetings and add those to masterlist
* Also, get a dentist
Right. That's enough for now. I shall be screwing around with this for much of the rest of the day, so I'll probably post again later, because processing helps me, and hey, maybe it will help other people to see how much I am struggling to be a basic human? Who knows.
But that's okay. I can take it in bite-sized chunks.
Sorry for the entry-spam today.
I'd like to separate my Writing list out into Original Writing and Fandom. Then I can add stuff like signing up for challenges and sorting out dear-author letters to my Fandom list without asking myself, "why does this go on the Writing list?" every time. Plus, fandom is a key and important part of my life.
Sorting out sleep patterns is going onto the Health list, and I really feel like the eating and exercise stuff should come off hold, if only to make baby steps. Maybe I can do like, five minutes of stretching a day or something. And I'd really like to sort out breakfast. And these are baby steps on worthwhile goals.
I'd like to figure out how to devote specific time to specific things, and how to get less epically distracted all the damn time. That's probably a long-term project. Figuring out how to better process/manage tabs would probably be useful, too. (Pocket is helping a bit. Bookmarks are weird 'cause I have a million of them and I rarely look at them, though I do now have a folder of "fun tabs" that means in theory I can close DW, Tumblr, etc, and reopen them at the click of a button. I wonder if I should separate these out into like, fun social media, "serious" social media, games, etc, though.)
I am torn on a lot of things.
Like, I feel I should allocate a certain amount of time to various things, but I get really anxious about overscheduling.
And I hate regimented getting-up and going-to-bed times, but I also hate losing an entire morning because I slept from 3am to 1pm.
And... oh, lots of general stuff. It's all on the same lines, I think, of hating feeling too scheduled and pushed into a routine, but also hating when I have no routine. And feeling exhausted at the idea of setting this for myself, but also feeling resentful of anyone trying to set a routine for me. It's really irritating, and I'm not sure what the solution is. I keep feeling like I use the idea of being kind to myself as an excuse for not doing much of anything.
So I think one thing that might be useful is to pretend like I'm a grown-up. I have a list of things that need to get done. It's pretty long. And I don't think that pretending to be a grown-up means I never get a break, or to kick back and watch an episode of something, or etc etc. But it does mean that I try to start behaving like an adult.
So.
I'm going to try to go to bed, near as dammit, at 11pm. And to get up at 8am. We'll see, over time, if I need more sleep or if this is actually sufficient. I'm going to try and kick myself off the internet at 10pm, and see if there are things I can occupy with for the hour before bed that don't require shiny devices such as computers, iPads and TVs. (Reading? Tidying? Journalling? Other things?)
I've got a bit of a to-do list in my head, so let's have it:
*
*
*
*
* Look at masterlist and rejig based on current feelings
* Look at action points from phone & Jobcentre meetings and add those to masterlist
* Also, get a dentist
Right. That's enough for now. I shall be screwing around with this for much of the rest of the day, so I'll probably post again later, because processing helps me, and hey, maybe it will help other people to see how much I am struggling to be a basic human? Who knows.
