randomling: A wombat. (Default)
Hello, new and old readers of my journal alike! This post should cover some useful things.

About me )

About this journal )

Fannish and writing things )

Final note )
randomling: Ariadne (of Inception) looking down. (ariadne)
Whether that is RP or guessing games or I don't know what else. It is fun. :D

Also, yes, I really ought to update more.

Current state of the randomling:

* headed home tomorrow after nearly two months staying with a friend in Germany. It's been really fun and I shall be sad to leave! But I'm coming back in May!
* my German has improved considerably.
* I've also started poking gently at learning Hebrew. I'm now roughly at "I can vaguely understand the alphabet and I'm learning words, but learning huge piles of vocab without context or grammar is starting to seem increasingly pointless". So along with the alphabet-learning book [personal profile] liv recommended, I need to look into beginner's Hebrew language books next. Plus probably a good bilingual dictionary.
* that said, a winter's worth of reduced work due to depression means I'm currently a bit low on spare cash (thankfully I had emergency provisions so I'm not actually unable to cover bills), so I have a feeling buying lots of books for the shiny new language will have to wait.
* and THAT said, I now seem to be back to working reasonably consistently, so the money situation should start to improve soonish.
* any Highlander fans reading this? One thing I've been doing while here is consuming Highlander at a rate of knots - I'm still on my first watch-through, now partway through S4 (I'd just finished S1 when I got here). I have fallen hopelessly in love with Methos. Hopelessly. Hopelessly. It's a problem. (And a delight. METHOS.)
* I am very well-fed just now. We had potato nests (mashed potato, scrambled eggs and a German dairy product called quark; I skip the quark 'cause I don't like it, but mashed potatoes and scrambled egg is *awesome*).
randomling: Walter Bishop (Fringe) grins, eating something. (walter)
Blah blah blah there is no content here


Feb. 23rd, 2015 03:59 pm
randomling: Uhura (Star Trek Reboot), grinning. (uhura)
randomling: River Song (of Doctor Who) behind bars. (river song)
Reading someone's long thinky-thoughts article about "the stigma of mental health" and the realities behind it, and I wonder to myself: why don't I write long thinky-thoughts articles about the issues that are important to me?

Partial answer: because I don't feel I have any opinions that are really "mine" (they all seem "borrowed" or absorbed from what other people think).

Partial rebuttal: aren't a lot of people's opinions based on reading or hearing what others think and developing their own opinions, either in agreement or contradiction?

Partial rebuttal to the rebuttal: Yes, but I feel like I could do better on a) doing my own research and fact-finding b) figuring out what I really think in response to other people's opinions c) not rushing to agree with everyone because fail-brain thinks I have to appease everyone or they will hate/attack me*.

What I guess I need: To figure out how to do a) and b), with an eye on mental health because seeking out facts about the upsetting things is likely to, duh, upset me, and with the corollary that b) is somewhat dependent on c) and c) is hard to fix in isolation.

What I might also need: Reassurance that I am not alone in having these kinds of struggles, stories about having, negotiating and learning about opinions, pictures of wombats or cats, hugs.

What I definitely don't need: Advice or opinions on How To Form Opinions (there is a whole extra thing of issues here about when people actually tell me what to do/think, I get grumpy).

*NB: I know this last is logic-free, it's a relic of my childhood which needs kicking in the arse if I could only figure out how.
randomling: A wombat. (Default)
Ah, I haven't done one of these in ages. [personal profile] liv gave me the letter V.

Memeage )

If you would like a letter, comment and I'll give you one!


Jan. 19th, 2015 12:51 am
randomling: A wombat. (Default)
Stolen from [personal profile] liv, here.

I'm going to list three things in order of how much I like them. If you see this, and if you feel like playing, repost the list in your own journal. You can change the order if you disagree with my judgement of how likeable the things are. The rule is that you need to add one new thing that's better than anything in the parent list, and one new thing that's worse than anything on the parent list, and one new thing somewhere in the middle (doesn't have to be the exact centre). Include a link back to where you got the meme from. And then we can follow the list around various journals, seeing how it mutates. I am still friends with some of the people I met playing this a decade ago; let's see how it works now.

  1. wombats

  2. Nessie Ladle

  3. Tumblr

  4. Twitter

  5. gender essentialism

  6. depression

(Oops, forgot about the thing I was supposed to add in the middle.)
randomling: The Tenth Doctor (of Doctor Who) looking sad, pressed against a wall. (sad ten)
Everything is stupid.

I am not very good about posting or staying in touch with anyone. In fact, I feel a bit like I am overall a horrible human being. (I am aware this is the depression talking.) So I am doing a lot of sitting around and wishing I had people to talk to and not managing to do anything positive about it.

And then I come here and whine instead which is the very definition of unhelpful.

Why is the world.
randomling: Tara McLay holds a lit candle out to Willow Rosenberg. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer.) (tara/willow)
Here is my question.

I just finished a wonderful M/M fantasy trilogy and I am in desperate need of further recs.

I love M/M, and am working on not being terribly ashamed that it's my crack (sometimes I feel like it makes me a bad feminist). I don't mind if the guys in question are gay, bisexual, undefined, experienced or inexperienced, just discovering their sexuality or secure in their identity. Kink is fine but I prefer thinky-kink to insufficient negotiation. I'm okay with fantasy, urban fantasy, paranormal, SF, horror, you name it as long as there is Something Weird Going on. I'd like the romance aspect to be fairly foregrounded (but pure romance with no Something Weird Going On is, I think, liable to bore me).

Though the trilogy I just finished (A Flight of Mapgies by KJ Charles) is set in Victorian England, I generally speaking find Victoriana tedious and a bit distressing, though I'll try anything once. We Have To Deal With Epic Homophobia (or other prejudice) as a major plot point is likely to upset me unless handled with extraordinary skill. I'd like to be able to enjoy some happy interludes though I'll also enjoy a plot that puts the characters through the wringer.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful, but if you have anything to rec, I'd love to hear it!
randomling: Dr Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) (bashir)
I would like to send people holiday cards, yes I would!

If you would like a card from me, leave your address in the comments. I'm not religious, so I won't be sending religiously-themed cards, and I don't promise they'll be on time for Christmas - but I'll try to get them out by the beginning of January!

Comments are, of course, screened.

randomling: Toshiko Sato (Torchwood), wearing glasses, smirks. (tosh smirks)
Just very, very quiet.

So have some things:

1. I've been using Habit RPG for about a month and a half and I think it's really helping me get shit done. Currently wondering if anyone out there uses it and wants to be in a party with me - I'm battling a boss at the moment, but I have a quest waiting in the wings for afterwards.

2. Work continues. I'm mostly making my daily and weekly targets, which is great, but I'm having serious nerves about farming myself on places like Elance to find clients I don't know. However, that won't be this month, anyway - I have enough from Existing Client and enough backend work setting up Elance, etc, that I can keep hitting targets for the time being without that.

3. I'm reading again! I should start posting book reviews or thoughts on books or something, if I can find the time and brain for regular posts. But I just recently found an excellent M/M fantasy series that is delighting me. And now I'm reading about 50s vampires in Cleveland.

Three things make a post, right? Right.

How are you, dear readers?
randomling: Lance Bass of *nsync, wearing shades and grinning, looks up and to the right. (lance shades)
Dear Yuletide Writer,

Hello! You are awesome and lovely and I am so excited.

General feelings and preferences )

Specific requests )

Once again, thank you so much for writing for me. I'm so excited to read what you come up with!
randomling: Cream-coloured yarn knitted onto a wooden needle. (knitting)
I just cleaned the shelf above my desk! Which is very nice, and now I just need to shove some money into my "storage solutions" fund so I can buy some decent boxes next month.

I think the next job is to clean out my rubbish bins.

I've still got a whole load of stuff in carrier bags (and black sacks) - some of which need to go straight up to the attic, others of which still need to be sorted through and culled, etc. But I'm slowly starting to get better control over my belongings, which is quite nice.

Planning is a bit difficult, or so it seems to me, but I'm working on it one step at a time. And I'm actually getting washing done regularly which is really nice for my mental state, it turns out.

So, yes. Slow progress. But progress!
randomling: Nine and Rose hold hands on their way back to the TARDIS (TARDIS is home)
So I will just have to start dealing with things.

It appears to be three tiny things time )
randomling: Kira Nerys (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) (kira)
* Inbox zero!!!! Has been a long time coming, so: FINALLY.

* Does anyone have any (online, preferably) shop recommendations for storage solutions for paper/stationery/etc? Ikea have some lovely things, but their delivery charge is exorbitant and I most certainly don't have the spoons for a trip to Croydon any time soon.

* Night Vale live next month EEEEEE.

* Work is going well! Have resolved some slightly snarly client stuff and am getting things done. Last couple of weeks have been really rough but I'm working my way back to where I want to be.

* I am not getting much (any) writing done and I'm slightly panicking about that 'cause it's Exchange Season and i have no idea what I want to nominate for Yuletide.

* I'm also not reading much, but this is an Ongoing Pattern and has been for at least a year. I have zero attention span.

* I think that's it for now!
randomling: Emma Swann (Once Upon A Time) looks sad. (sad)
Because this really helps, apparently.

On and on! )
randomling: River Song (of Doctor Who) behind bars. (river song)
And not doing it.

I suppose this is because I feel a bit like my life is essentially quite boring. I'm currently freelancing, and trying to work my way up into at least decent part-time hours without falling over, which is proving challenging because I fall over at the least little bit of stress.

(And I mean last week was almost a complete bust because of this and this week is all about the recovery.)

I'm still learning German. I think I'm getting a bit more fluent. I'm trying to get a handle on what kind of future I might have. That's a bit difficult, because depressed-brain is still a bit prone to saying "NONE LOL" and predicting that my health issues will kill me in a few years so what's the point. So some days even looking at the future without cringing away in fear is really hard, and most days, let's be honest, I don't really bother.

Money stuff is going a bit better since I got new budgeting software about six months ago. It's really making it much eaiser to plan ahead and figure out what I need to do with my money. It also helps that I'm earning some. Not a huge amount yet, but more than I was on JSA.

I'm RPing a lot, and thinking a lot about my characters without actually doing much writing on the novel or anything else (despite mostly making it to writing dates each week). The problem is there's so much I want to make a priority, and having limited energy and limited time and all the rest of it (really the energy is more of a problem than anything else), it gets really hard to prioritise and decide what I actually want to focus on.

Not sure what else to talk about. I'm keeping up with Doctor Who, though I'm really ragey at Moffat for various reasons. I'm occasionally reading fic and being a bit anxious about Yuletide nominations. I'm still not really reading printed books very much, though I'm reading a lot of articles in Pocket instead. Not sure why I'm finding books so hard but that's been ongoing for... a couple of years?

I am trying to diversify a bit socially, but coming up against the same old demons of "you've had depression for the past six years and you managed to nuke 90% of your social circle". Which makes me feel guilty about trying to renew old friendships and anxiousa about trying to start new ones. It's awesome.

I think that might be about it for now!
randomling: Lance Bass of *nsync, wearing shades and grinning, looks up and to the right. (lance shades)
These are quite useful it turns out! (Cut because I would imagine mostly dull.)

Three tiny things forever )

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